It’s good to talk <3

People, Man, Woman, Couple, Sitting, Together, Bench

I love talking, so much so that I’m often getting told to give my mouth a rest by friends & family…

Take my fiancé for example, he gets my daily life story, literally gets the full run down of my day as soon as I get in from work, from what I had for breakfast to how many sugars I put in my afternoon coffee, he gets my full conversation with the girls…

“Then he said this, but she wasn’t happy so she replied with this, then I said this and she was like…”

 He stands there nodding and agreeing, I know he’s just entertaining me so then I’ll try get him talking…

“How was your day? What did you have for breakfast? Was it nice? What did you have for lunch? Was that nice?”

The funny thing is, deep down he loves it – that’s part of me, but after a long day at work he eventually locks himself in the bathroom for a bit of peace and quiet and takes an extra-long bath that I’m pretty sure is unnecessary. Ha!

That’s ok though, because when he locks himself in, I usually make a start on tea whilst on video call to someone, still chatting away – I don’t know what I find to talk about, especially these days, I don’t talk about my job for confidentiality purposes & I spend most of time at work yet I still find plenty to talk about.

I was the same when I lived at home with my parents & back then I was barbering, I’d get home and the same again I wouldn’t stop talking – my dad would say,

“Kayleigh you’ve been talking to customers all day, how do you still have the energy and stories to tell”.

Jokes aside, I know my fiancé, family & friends wouldn’t have me any other way. They’d think something was wrong if I was been quiet, and they’d be absolutely right…

By now, I hope you’ve read enough of my blogs to know that back in my late teens I suffered BAD with anxiety & depression, during this time a lot of bad shit happened to me, one been that anxiety and depression silenced me.

If only I knew back then what I know now – the power of talking!

It’s good to talk!

I was always chatty, I was a talkative confident kid & some might say gobby teenager – still dead chatty though! I’ve always been an open book too – sometimes too open, there’s been times where I’d wished I kept my mouth shut (especially in school) but I never had any issue’s talking to people about my personal life – at least that’s what I thought…

Looking back though, I realise I only ever told people what I thought they wanted to hear. I never actually spoke about my feelings, I covered them up with humour, a fake smile when it was needed & pretended to be a heartless bitch when it came to any other emotion that wasn’t looked at as happy or fun – because that was the Kayleigh that everyone knew.

You can imagine how concerning it must be for loved ones when suddenly the loudest person in the room was now the quietist.

Then imagine how concerning it is for the once loud, now quiet person whose just as confused by it themselves, who knows there been quiet and has no idea why!

Let me tell you now, the longer you keep negative thoughts, feelings & emotions bottled up the harder them fuckers are going to keep coming back fighting.  

Now I’m not one to look back in regret & wish things had been different, don’t get me wrong I used to be but I’m at a point in life now where I honestly believe that I am who I am today because of every single bit of my past – good or bad! I’m finally happy with where I am now so thanks to shitty anxiety for forcing me to find my true self & create the best life I never realised I wanted until now.

So why do I wish I’d have opened up sooner?

Talking is one, if not the BEST therapy for poor mental health & wellbeing – it’s not just amazing for anybody suffering from anxiety, depression, stress. trauma etc, but if you’ve had a rubbish day, or you’re just having a off day, if your football team lost today, someone pulled out on you at a junction or you just came on your period… TELL SOMEONE!

Why should we only talk when it’s something good to talk about? Why do we always reply with “Yeah, I’m good are you?” when someone asks us how we are today?

Just take a minute now, think about anything that might be playing on your mind, something that already happened that annoyed you – no matter how big or small, or maybe something on your mind that your worried about… How many people have you spoke to about that? Have you even dealt with it? Most of us haven’t, because we don’t really know how!

Mental health & wellbeing has only just started to become more confidently spoke about in the last few years, it’s amazing that people are confidently speaking out & seeking help but the uncomfortable truth is that their is still over 5000 suicides a year – and that’s just the figures from the ones that get recorded.

Share your problem & half it with a listening ear because no matter what it is, if it’s stressing you out in even the slightest – these little problems will all slowly add up until they eventually overflow and pour out like a over-flowing bath.

Find someone you trust, it could be a professional, a friend, a loved one, family, support group, stranger, someone online or your doctor! I promise you once you open once & realise it’s not that bad, you’ll feel the biggest sense of release – in fact you’ll find that taking that first maybe awkward or nerve racking step into learning how to talk about what’s going on in your mind will be the best thing you’ve ever done & the start of a new you!

It’s amazing what happens to your mind when you slowly start to clear it, I like to look at your mind like a computer memory stick – all that information we have stored there, all the fun & interesting personalities we all have can easily get clogged up by unwanted pointless data (the past, the future, worries, stress, etc) but if we learn how to clear it out we can enjoy it and use our mind to it’s best ability.

I’m totally different now, many years of working on myself, I wouldn’t say that I no longer suffer with anxiety, but I know how to deal with it, I have a clearer mind, a better mindset & improved mental health & wellbeing.

It’s not just about been more talkative or louder but it’s about been honest, speaking the truth about what’s really going on in there, it doesn’t just help others help you but it stops you from bottling things up, allows you to be more honest with yourself & that’s the start of self-help. Usually when we say things out loud, others of course can help us but when we hear it ourselves out loud rather than in our head – it doesn’t always sound as bad as our worried, stressed mind told us it was.

Not only that but it is SUCH a relief to not have to pretend to be okay when you’re not. That shit drains you! Mentally & physically!

Even now, as mental health & wellbeing coach I can still have my bad days but the difference in my bad days now is I’ll tell someone. It might not be every person I see or meet that day, it might not be my fiancé – the first person I see on a morning (although it usually is) but I will get it off my chest & out of my mind at some point that day, even if it’s as simple as saying something like, “God, I feel shit this morning” That usually always strikes a conversation as to why & nine times out of ten when I have that conversation, I come out of it realising that yeah, my mornings really not that shit!

I also would love to use this space to tell you about Andy’s man club – I had a meeting with these guys last week – they are amazing! The man who started the charity lost his best friend to suicide one Monday at 7pm with no letter, no reason & no previous conversations as to why Andy would want to take his own life. So he started a free safe-space for men to talk on Mondays at 7pm, the work he has done & the amount of men that have been helped through this is insane! They run all over the country, head over to their website & find a support group near you, I promise you they CAN help!

Which bring me to my next venture with The Brighter Diaries, I’m excited to announce my new FREE sessions ‘The Brighter Diaries Wellbeing Walks” starting January 2022…

Follow my social media accounts or drop me a email for more information, I will release time, dates & location at the beginning of next year, where I hope you will start your wellbeing journey with me.

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